Talking with an elderly parent or loved one about the eventual need for assisted living can be difficult. This article provides 7 tips for discussing and planning for your loved one’s needs in a way that respects their opinions and honors their feelings. By following these guidelines, you should pave the way for a smooth transition for your loved one from independence to assisted living.

1. Start this conversation long before a critical need for assisted living arises. Make a plan, with steps to take when certain things happen, like when they can no longer bathe or dress themselves, or remember to take medicine, or when they start having trouble keeping their balance and fall. Make a list of these events and responses, and agree with your parents that when these events occur, the plan will go into effect.

2. In making your plan, include visits to assisted living homes. Some homes allow child care, so parents can spend time in the home, participate in activities, and meet the residents and caregivers. Involve your parents and let them be a part of the decision as much as possible. They will feel empowered and when the time comes to move, less resistant because they have been included in the decision making.

3. Include siblings in the planning discussion and come to an agreement so there are no mixed messages. When it comes time to act, sibling disagreements can send a mixed message to parents, creating anything but a smooth transition.

4. Consider your parents’ perspective. The elderly do not always see a move as what is best for them. They want to feel that they are still independent and in control of their lives. Moving out of your home can feel like your world is shrinking; who are at the end of life, and at the mercy of strangers.

5. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk to your elderly parents and offer options instead of advice. Listen to their concerns and ideas, and don’t impose your values ​​on them. Then voice your concerns, and then listen. Do not fill any silence with your solutions. This is a very charged topic and can feel emotionally wrenching. Give them time to respond.

6. Respect your parents and be kind to them, as this is not an easy decision, taken lightly. They have lived a long time, they have experienced and learned a lot, and they have probably made numerous sacrifices raising you and giving you the life you have. While we view old age as a time of reward, it is also a time of loss. As we age we lose health and vitality, mobility and control, loved ones, independence, to name a few things.

7. Reassure your parents. Let them know that you will always be a part of their lives and that you are there to care for them as they have. Help them move smoothly from independence to trust in you. Show that they can trust your judgment by listening to and valuing their opinions, and by respecting and honoring what they have done for you. As they begin this stage of their journey, be aware of their emotional needs and concerns and assure them that you will always be there for them.