Some of us go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, prompted by a friend in a long-distance relationship. They have been together for several years but at the moment, due to work commitments, they can only meet on weekends.
I wondered if they’d rather make the most of dinner together more intimately on Valentine’s Day, rather than with us in a group. But he replied, ‘no, it’s okay, we’ve been together for years, we’re in the stage with no card, no flowers, no gifts in our relationship.’
This led me to reflect later on whether we should try harder in our long-standing relationships. While it is lovely to be comfortably settled and not have to constantly be trying to impress our partner, surely it is the little things, which are often not especially necessary, that help keep the romance alive in our relationships.
Those little touches keep the flames flickering and sustain us through the mundane, mundane moments of everyday life. We may not ‘need’ that card or bouquet of flowers, but it can certainly make us smile when thought of affectionately.
What are some ways to keep romance alive?
– Don’t neglect the basics. Take care of yourself physically. Stay on top of your hygiene, take responsibility for your health, looking smart, your appearance. It’s great to kick off your shoes and put on casual clothes after a stressful day, but it’s not a good look to do it automatically every day. There are times when looking good is important, both to you and your partner, and you will feel more attractive and confident when you push yourself.
Don’t be that partner who gets carried away. Yes, we all change physically over the years, but exercise, dental check-ups, a healthy lifestyle are our options that help us take care of ourselves in the best possible way.
– Stay interesting. Instead of lying in a chair with the television every night, why not sometimes suggest a walk, a nice outing, or an engaging hobby? School nights can be busy and exhausting, but so is repeating the same routine every day. Stay up-to-date with the news, ready and interested in hearing the news of others. A little planning and effort can help keep the romance alive.
– Simple keys are important. You may offer to babysit so your partner can have an afternoon off to shop, play golf, or have a quiet afternoon. Do household chores without being asked or, worse, being repeatedly reminded. It makes life much easier and less stressful for everyone and allows both of you to feel involved in all areas of the relationship.
– Why not send a text message? with a simple “thinking of you” message. Wanting nothing more than to say ‘I love you’. Or prepare a bath for them when they get home from a busy day at work or with the kids, or offer to give them a back or foot massage.
– Keeping the romance alive does not require spending money. A gift of a framed photo of ‘our’ favorite place, a compilation of ‘our’ songs, a pressed sheet or a champagne cork from a special date can be beautiful and much appreciated gestures that show love and affection for those important memories. Romantic and thoughtful gestures are often more appreciated than any expensive department store present.
– Many of us have various sets of relationships. They need juggling that can sometimes cause us stress. Work, family, and friends can sometimes be demanding and require additional contributions. Being romantic is also about being insightful and considerate. Occasionally suggesting something that would ease our partner’s stress levels, such as visiting family or taking them out for a meal, could be considered romantic. Or being nice to accompany them to an event or social occasion that is important to them can mean a lot.
On second thought, keeping romance alive isn’t just about red roses and chocolates. Often making the effort with sensible gestures and actions can be proof enough that we care, and that can be enough to keep the romance alive in our relationship.
