I have been a family caregiver for three generations of family members and am now the caregiver for my disabled husband. My caregiver days start early and often end late. It’s a grueling schedule.
The other night, when I was feeling exhausted, the Robert Frost poem, “Walking Through the Woods on a Snowy Night” came to mind. I love this poem and am intrigued by the fact that Frost said the last sentence twice to make his point. Just as Frost wrote it, I said the sentence out loud twice and I could almost feel the fatigue from him.
When I became a family caregiver, I joined an army of caregivers across the United States. According to an estimate from the National Alliance for Caregiving, during the past year 65.7 million Americans, 29 percent of the adult population, served as family caregivers for a sick or disabled loved one. Despite exhaustion and their own health problems, these caregivers strive to keep their promises.
What promises do we make?
The promise of reliability. Care recipients depend on us and want us to keep our word and deliver. If we say we are going to buy supplies for a loved one, we should do it as soon as possible. If we promise to take a loved one to lunch, then we must do it. Our loved ones count on us.
The promise of security. No matter what the disease, no matter the age, your loved one wants to feel safe and secure. You may want to ask a consultant to do a home security review. New locks on doors may need to be installed, railings secured, and lighting improved.
The promise of patience. Sure, family caregivers get impatient, but we can keep our impatience to ourselves. The one thing we don’t want to do is project our feelings onto loved ones who are sick. Before I became a family caregiver, I thought of myself as a patient person. I found that my patience needed to be improved.
The promise of companionship. A loved one who moved in with you had to give up many things, including their independence, their beloved possessions, and the camaraderie of neighbors and friends. While we can’t make up to an entire neighborhood or all of our friends, we can be attentive listeners and partners.
The promise of quality care. To meet health care standards, we have to learn new techniques, get additional training, and hire outside help. A professional sitter comes to our house every morning and stays for two hours, which is how long it takes to get my husband up for the day. He would be lost without his help.
The promise of goodness and love. You accepted the role of family caregiver because you care. I cared for my mother for nine years, was the guardian/caregiver for my twin grandsons for seven years, and have been the caretaker for my husband for two years. That’s a total of 18 years. The fact that he is alive is a miracle and I savor the miracle every day.
The good thing about care promises is that we can keep them. We keep our promises to the loved ones in our care, and because we want to keep them. Family care is love in action and that is a blessing.
