The story used to illustrate the concepts of an excavation and renewal of life lesson is inspired by real events. As a writer, one of my greatest thrills is turning life into what I hope are original creations that inform you.

This article is inspired by the kinds of situations that shaped the expansion of my consultancy into the realm of personal development. Whether it’s the end of a romantic relationship or the death of a loved one, there is no escaping the pain of loss.

I encourage you to look for bits of your story here because it is an opportunity to see yourself in a new mirror. Read on and learn.

Let’s imagine that the names and details of these customer experiences have changed but the parts that matter are the same.

This story begins with a day in the life of a thirty-year-old stay-at-home mother of two. On her birthday the phone line.

“Hello, my name is Ray G… You don’t know me, but your husband has been having an affair with my wife…”

When she contacted me, her husband had spent so much money on strip clubs and long distance affairs that they were seriously in debt. Literally on the verge of being homeless, with too many bills already due. But neither of them was doing anything about it, not even the trouble her marriage was in could get her attention. The two continued to party separately, taking turns to secure childcare arrangements. To neighbors and fellow church members, there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary when they showed up for social engagements or community events.

One day, her husband of seven years just walked away, but not until they both looked to adultery as the solution to their relationship problems. When her infidelity was discovered, she related to his. Instead of trying to win back her affections, as she hoped, she left them, but not before clearing the bank account.

All she had was two children with their belongings, closets full of toys, trendy clothes, a growing collection of shoes, a sizable book collection (mainly romance novels and instructional writing books/magazines), as well as a monitor. desk, a computer and a printer. We will call this woman Katrina.

You are about to start a new life. Before she can really deal with it, her situation goes from separated to divorced. Her work experience wasn’t the kind of thing she wanted to put on her resume, aside from a couple of retail jobs.

We had a couple of meetings where she talked about being ready to move on with her life. She talked about getting organized and doing something rewarding and productive.

She said she wanted to be a writer and eventually an editor. I imagined that she dreamed of the day that she would produce a novel and land a book deal. She mentioned on a few occasions that she thought it would be great to work for a publishing house or start her own.

Perfectly legitimate ambitions, but what had he missed?

He overlooked the fact that he still had to develop the discipline to write daily or even weekly. And the fact was that no one, not even her, even knew if she knew how to write.

While it’s definitely nice to know where you want to go, a flexible plan to get there is at least as valuable. His simple plan needed to include a strategy to address the challenges to achieve his goals. In fact, he needed to accurately assess where she was at this point in her life.

One of the first identified culprits in sabotaging your creation of a more satisfying life was the amount of energy and focus you gave to relationships that weren’t serving you.

Katrina was not only immersed in a social group that did not support self-improvement, but also one based on misery that loves company. Her romantic entanglements didn’t fare much better.

For example, she had immediately started dating the gentlemen she had been seeing while she was still married. Since he was still in her other relationship, her affair was short-lived and was immediately followed by another ill-suited union. When she finally got involved with someone with real potential as a supportive love partner, she cheated on him. Of course, the “good guy” was the one who helped her get back on her feet. So how does she show her appreciation for her help? She gets pregnant by someone else and asks him for help.

Because her focus was not on supporting herself, but on running away with her boyfriends, she was unable to support and focus on her children. This gave her ex-husband influence over her when she remarried and the custody issue reared its head. She to this day has primary custody.

Even without full-time responsibility for her children, she maintained her preoccupation with doomed relationships. I got an email from her saying that she intended to read the material I sent her, but she didn’t have time to think.

Katrina insisted that she didn’t know what to do, so her new car was repossessed, she lost her job and had to live with her mother.

If it were you, what would you do next to change your life?

The first is the first

Define the problem: Katrina’s first concern was how to support herself. She wanted to be a writer, but what can she do to earn money right away and continue to feed her dream?

“Believe that it can be done. When you believe that something can be done, truly believe, your mind will find a way to do it. Believing in a solution opens the way to the solution.” -Dr David Schwartz

She took another retail job and I encouraged her to start an online business part time.

“You need the experience of running your own business. Accepting full responsibility for your affairs. In addition, an online business offers many advantages over a traditional store-front operation. Mainly, the low overall cost means you can keep it going longer before you have to make a profit or be forced out of business. That boils down to a better chance of making it, if you’re determined,” I explained.

This meant that his social life would have to be drastically curtailed. She assured me that she was ready to make a change and embrace success and independence. Trina confessed that she had been battling depression and that the party was all she had to feel good about.

“But how does where you are right now make you feel about yourself?” I asked.

She did not answer.

I explained to him how he could access self-study resource guides, product reviews, articles, educational marketing materials, e-courses, e-books, and nifty e-zines to learn what he needed to know to be successful.

“I can’t afford all that!” she exclaimed.

“First, how much did you spend on going out or shopping in the last few weeks?” I asked.

She paused. “Okay, I get your point.”

Want enough success to temporarily cut your wardrobe budget? Only you know when you’ve had enough and if you keep doing the same thing absolutely nothing will change.

It was also another year of struggle before she came back ready to dedicate herself to working with me and doing the work that only she could do. The questions I posed to him have become an excellent evaluation tool. I encourage you to start here if you are on your own personal improvement path based on personal empowerment and relationship management.

Whats Next?

1. Evaluate how you have used your resources so far.

2. Think about how much you have invested in useless efforts and relationships while avoiding the real causes of your problems. Are you ready to change that?

3. If you could help now, would you?

If you answered yes, I would be happy to hear from you.