Since there are fewer women than men in positions of power, it stands to reason that fewer women abuse it. But there is a more intimate reason for the absence of women in abuse of power scandals.
It’s a psychological fact of life that women are more concerned with their insides than they are with insider trading. Women are inward-oriented and interested in everything from the inside of their psyches to the inventory in their pantries. Girls are taught and rewarded for nurturing and supportive behavior, which requires self-examination and introspection. Children, on the other hand, are taught that to be valued they must achieve and even be ‘heroes’.
The limits are stricter for girls; Children grow to be more comfortable plotting and testing where the edge of the law is at home and in the community. In my practice, I often hear parents say, “I never set a curfew for my son, because I know that girls’ parents set a curfew and boys are less likely to stay out longer than girls.” “. The unspoken message is “Children don’t need limits.” And for children, the consequences for unacceptable behavior are less harsh. Unacceptable behavior in girls often leads to tangible negative consequences (suspension of assignments or privileges, being grounded or being made to do chores), while the negative consequence for a boy is often simply ‘talking to’. Kids get the message that it’s okay to scheming and push boundaries, or at least, there’s no real price to pay.
Without limits, adequate impulse control does not develop. Children look for limits, and unless they find them, they keep pushing, getting anxious when there seems to be no limit to how far they can go. When a parent doesn’t set limits, the child feels unimportant and unloved. Limits and the negative consequences for breaking them, on the other hand, reassure children that they are noticed and that someone cares about them.
The lack of limits or the enforcement of limits, coupled with the social message that men should be ‘heroes’ and achieve success, puts enormous pressure on men to plan and push limits in order to be valued. Those who manipulate to get what they want to believe must perform, produce and create ever greater acts of ‘heroism’ in order to feel valued and powerful, as well as to allay their fears of vulnerability (resulting from lack of impulse control). ) and the humiliation of failure (the ultimate sign of worthlessness).
When women feel these fears, they lose their self-esteem, not their integrity. As a result, they berate themselves and work harder to succeed within the system.
Being valued for achievement, success and ‘heroism’ breeds arrogance and grandiosity: “I can do no wrong, I have the right, I can do whatever I want and get away with it.” Concern for their own gratification combined with a lack of regard for how others feel drives this behavior. Therefore, in a vain attempt to fill themselves up, manipulators need bigger and bigger acts to fill the emptiness within, just like the alcoholic, they become addicted to the chase and the drunkenness of victory. It becomes an insidious downward spiral as they push the limits further and further to create the next emotional high.
There is a healthy level of self-centeredness and self-involvement, a feeling of excellence that is the natural companion to true achievement. In fact, a certain degree of egocentrism and self-involvement is considered a prerequisite for success. But the pathological form of egocentrism and self-commitment drives people to achieve for neurotic reasons.
Closely linked to the striving for achievement in unhealthy self-absorption is the need to fail. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you can’t believe praise, you feel guilty and conflicted about success because you think you don’t deserve it. These people oscillate between a sense of undeserved success and a feeling of worthlessness.
Everything these people achieve is seen as a means to an end, that is, the continual search for love and approval. They often don’t know what their moral standards are. They have not experienced consequences as a result of boundary transgression during the critical stages of maturation. As adults, they get into trouble as punishment for getting something they don’t really believe they deserve to have. They are looking for negative consequences and limit setting that they wanted/needed as children. Bernard Ebbers, former CEO of WorldCom, Kenneth Lay, Chairman of Enron Corp, continued to manipulate the system more and more until the people around them could no longer ignore or take part in their flagrant abuse of power.
Richard Nixon and others, Oliver North and, more recently, Lewis (Scooter) Libby, Tom DeLay, Carl Rove, George W. Bush and others, are people who, on one level, want the label “supreme hero,” but on another level, they do not believe themselves worthy. Therefore, they continually plan, test, and manipulate situations in ways that ensure that they will eventually be caught. On a conscious level, the only thing they fear is getting caught; subconsciously, they want to be caught because they feel out of control. They often profess the highest respect for the law, and many are lawyers; Yet, paradoxically, they push the limits of the law, and when caught, their first move is to hire the best lawyer possible to bend the law in their favor, thus continuing their grandiose manipulation of the system. Furthermore, the lawyers who rig the system are the lawyers who created the laws with loopholes and room for interpretation, perpetually continuing a selfish system. However, it is fair to point out that the system also works in favor of justice.
The profile of women who abuse positions of power is the same as that of men, with one exception. The exception is that they act for or for a man, or have a man behind them. Sandra Brown, the first woman to launch a Federally Licensed Small Business Investment Company and many other innovative ventures, was convicted in Colorado of spending $1.3 million. Her roommate and senior assistant, a co-defendant, was after her, as was her lawyer, who pleaded guilty and presented state evidence. Representing one man were Bess Myerson and Judge Hortense Gable, accused of reducing the alimony settlement of Myerson’s lover in exchange for a job working for the judge’s daughter in Myerson’s office as the city’s Consumer Affairs Commissioner. from New York. More recently, Martha Stewart reportedly committed insider trading on the advice of her friend and confidant, ImClone Systems CEO Sam Waksal. Stewart was found guilty of four counts of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators about a timely stock sale, not insider trading. Like her achievement, Stewart’s male stockbroker was convicted on the same charges.
What can be done? If you are a parent, set boundaries for your children, both male and female. If boundaries are transgressed, impose negative consequences immediately. If you are a boss or manager, hold all employees accountable for the methods they use to achieve a goal. Lines of responsibility and accountability should be delineated in performance standards and followed through judiciously with consequences for non-compliance.
But remember: “Negative consequences” does not mean “punitive.” Punitive invites retaliation and damages self-esteem. Verbal reprimands and hitting/spanking are examples of punitive consequences, as are any consequences out of proportion to the offense. An appropriate negative consequence for breaking curfew, for example, would be repossessing your car for a weekend night, or two nights for a second offense. A younger child could be penalized by having him stay in her room for a night with no TV or entertainment items. If the child is angry about the consequence, empathize instead of punishing him more. Talking to her child about how he/she is in control of whether there are consequences is very effective. Anger is appropriate and additional punishment would be punitive.
