Even before the birth of a daughter, a mother is creating something special: a mother-daughter relationship. A transformation is taking place between mother and child throughout their nine months of pregnancy. The maternal bond begins to develop during the nine months of pregnancy and forms a special bond with the fetus. The chemistry of the bond is like no other bond or relationship that a woman has ever experienced, it is a miracle of the life that she has brought to this world and with which she will always be connected. A mother is not thinking about how she can have a mother and daughter relationship, it happens instinctively. The mother produces a binding chemical known as oxytocin that is produced during breastfeeding. The oxytocin produced by the mother reduces the anxiety of the mother and the child. A mother’s subconscious behavior to nurture her child is natural, and the emotions she has are stronger than words can express. After the birth of the child, the special bond continues and develops emotionally and physically. Bonding chemistry is being formed through all the senses of smell, touch, verbal and non-verbal signals, and taste. These precious moments are internalized by both mother and daughter, thus forming mother-daughter relationships.
A mother and daughter relationship is different from a mother and son relationship in that its purpose is to guide your daughter to become a woman. Daughters need a mother’s guidance and support in friendships, how to choose friends, and how to be a friend. By teaching your daughter to become a woman, you convey to her the joy of having a family and love. If any of these components are missing in a healthy mother-daughter relationship, then it becomes a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship.
When you are young you idolize your mother, she is a goddess. You have dress-up days where you try on lipstick, jewelry, and heels. As you grow older, your thoughts will be like mom, wife, mother or pursuing your career. A daughter follows her mother’s cues, if she bakes (daughter wants to bake, if she’s on the computer or on the phone) she imitates mom’s behavior. A daughter is forming her own interpretations of her mother about how she sees her mother from day to day.
Then everything turns into a rash at thirteen, when mom becomes the most ignorant and out of touch with the world. The daughter cannot get away from her mother fast enough and the distancing begins. The hormones change and the daughter who idolized her mother is ashamed of the dress, the car and the presence of the mother. The young teenager wants her space, she wants to become her own person. As he begins to grow, he will show dislike for everything his mother and father say or do. Most daughters turn against their mother and retaliate if rules are imposed on them. This behavior creates friction in the mother-daughter relationship during adolescence and usually changes in the twenties.
It is very common for mothers to misinterpret their daughters’ behavior. The mother may take it personally and not take into account the biological changes that her daughter is going through. During the rebellious stage of daughters, parents may say things out of frustration. Due to lack of awareness, criticism from parents can affect the child’s self-esteem. Parents will need to adopt posture in their approach to reduce the distance between mother and daughter. When there is no understanding between both parties, the disagreements, perspectives and beliefs will carry over into adulthood and continue their animosity towards each other. However, some relationships miraculously change when the daughter is in her 20s and 30s, and another phase of the mother-daughter relationship occurs.
If a woman does not heal her relationship with her mother, she will continue to destroy her own mother-daughter relationship. It is never too late to make amends, forgive, or simply put the past behind you to heal your relationship with your mother.
