There is a dating website that will remain nameless.

In all of his ads, he sells himself as a means of finding your soulmate.

Ahh, true love …

Except …

Well, obviously it is a site to connect.

How can I know?

You can know the intent behind something not in its marketing, but in how it is designed. In this case, the website allows you to filter matches by all kinds of things: gender, location, age, salary, education …

All useful material to find a partner.

But also not only height, but hair color and eye color.

Only the most insipid, superficial, and deluded people say that their soulmate must have hazel eyes.

But for a cheap and harmless night of fun? Well, that makes a little more sense.

This trap can also appear in your affirmations.

When you say you want to find ‘love’ or ‘wealth’, what do you mean? Does love mean that you are married? Does wealth mean you live in a mansion?

You may have that in mind, without even realizing it.

Except you know, when you think about it, marriage doesn’t equal love. There are many unhappy marriages in the world and many devoted people who see it as a formality.

Heck, if you just want to ‘be married,’ there are plenty of people who will marry you for $ 100. Put an ad online and pick whoever responds first.

As for a mansion, there are few things that stop you from hiring one on AirBnB or a similar site. You can even rent one, if you’re not picky about location, condition, or getting thrown out when your savings run out.

I know I know I’m being patronizing. Obviously that’s not what you mean when you say love or wealth …

Except, for some of you, it is.

You have something specific in mind, without which you won’t count.

You could be a billionaire, but without the mansion, you won’t feel rich.

One approach is to meet your own expectations. You are doing yourself no favors by pursuing something so arbitrary.

Another approach is to ask yourself this simple question:

What else would be as good as this?

Would living on a ship, entering a new port every two weeks feel more like wealth than a mansion? If that’s a valid option, it prevents you from following too narrow a path. Also, a good boat can cost you less than a house, much less a mansion; perhaps your wealth is already within your grasp.

Affirmations help you focus. They can also help you fixate. One helps you advance toward your goals, the other drains your enthusiasm and time while offering little in return.