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Top 10 tips to enchant people with your charisma

Charisma is essentially intangible. Despite this, you will always know when you are in the presence of a charismatic person, because you have the ability to attract their attention in a way that someone without that personality trait would have a hard time doing. Charisma, like charm, is indefinable but you know when you have experienced it in action: you leave an encounter knowing that you have been with someone extraordinary and special. In essence, they make you feel like you are the most important person in the room. Compare and contrast that with so many people you know who seem to be looking over their shoulders to see if something is missing across the room or if there is someone more important to talk to.

I want to cite an article about actor Will Smith that I ran into on a recent trip to the United States:

“Spend seven seconds sitting in front of Will Smith and you will find out why he is a superstar. He is charming and attentive, observant and intelligent, without even trying. When he speaks, he makes eye contact; when he laughs, it takes over his whole body. Although it seems carefree, he didn’t end up where he is by accident: Smith is constantly in charge, on point and thinking ahead. “

Not everyone is lucky enough to be born charismatic, but with a little effort, you can develop it to a significant degree. Here are 10 tips to help you do it.

1 Much of communication is overwhelmingly non-verbal. Often times, your body language speaks louder than your words. Research has shown that only 7% of understanding comes from the listening portion of a conversation. Therefore, it is absolutely essential to display positive body language. Your posture is very important: people who hunch or hunch their shoulders transmit negative messages. Smile and look people in the eye when communicating. Nod frequently to show that you are listening, and try to give them time to finish their sentences before jumping in with what you want to say.

2 Develop your communication skills – speak and write with style. Speaking confidently is not a gift that everyone possesses, but one that everyone can develop. Tone, cadence, use of pauses, speed of speech; emphasize certain words, sometimes repeating keywords; lack of ‘uhs’ and ‘ums’ and ‘you know’ and avoidance of jargon; varying the number of words in successive sentences; and, not least, vocabulary: all of this contributes to your speaking style and many to your particular writing style. Think of Barack Obama compared to John McCain. Neat writing can be achieved with practice, and it says a lot about you as a person. Challenge yourself to download and learn a new word every day and try to use it.

3 Develop an individual style of ‘being’: in what you wear, how you behave, etc. This helps establish your presence factor, the impact you make on the people you meet, the first impression you create. You need to be particular in everything you do, whether it’s ordering a particular type of tea (say Assam or Earl Gray) or coffee (double espresso macchiato instead of instant with milk), your favorite beverage (Balvenie double wood single malt instead of whiskey. For women who wear flashy jewelry, for men, a flashy tie will make people remember you.

4 Charismatic people convey the message that they are “authentic”: Authentic people are more likely to be trusted. Authentic people have the courage of their convictions. To be authentic, always keep your promises / actions – whatever you talk, don’t just talk. Follow up on the contacts, if they promised, the next day and think about who you know who could be a useful contact for the people you just met. Always deliver more than you promise, never disappoint. Believe in your cause, believe in yourself.

5 Make everyone you meet feel important. Be generous with praise without being sycophantic. Be warm but genuine. Interact with people, find a point of sympathy with each and every person, make people feel good about themselves and good about you. Spot an accent or look at a piece of jewelry and ask a question about it; the ice will break when both of you are a little inhibited or nervous.

6 A sense of humor is key, but never at anyone else’s expense. Convey an image of loving life, of being fun, of being playful. Above all, don’t take yourself or life too seriously – life can be depressing, but that doesn’t mean you have to be depressed! Don’t tell jokes unless you feel very confident in what you are saying and remember the punchline!

7 Own your domain: prepare your topic thoroughly – develop your experience, skills and knowledge. Work to eliminate areas of weakness. Do not leave anything to chance. If possible, before a meeting or event, try to find out the guest list, see if there is someone you know or would like to meet. Find out a little about them and be extremely impressive when you meet them and ask them about one of their favorite interests or recent accomplishments.

8 Passion – Being passionate requires you to be enthusiastic, spontaneous, challenging, and energetic. It’s what excites you and gets your adrenaline pumping. One thing that draws a crowd and makes someone the center of attention is a person who exhibits that kind of passion.

9 Persistence: Charismatic people don’t take no for an answer. Like the legendary Pacman, if they can’t get around an obstacle, they go over, under, or even through it. To give up is not an option. Finding the ‘tipping point’ is: looking for the often small ‘touch-up’ that will take you across the threshold. Being persistent will impress the person who is being difficult or evasive.

10 Above all, have the courage of your convictions – be prepared to take smart and considerate risks (within reason) to get where you want to be. Be prepared sometimes to step into the unknown – feel the fear of finding the extended self, but do it anyway. Changing your life can be a lot of fun and it can be very challenging and worthwhile!

Challenge yourself to significantly raise your Charisma card!


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