Since the advent of email, texting, instant messaging, and social networking sites, people have been lamenting and worrying about the possibility of an increase in flirting, emotional adventures, and … gasp! – sexual escapades.

Is this reaction stemming from a real increase in cheating, or from a suddenly more public and accessible forum for trends and behaviors that have always existed? In other words, do you really think that you or the people you know are more likely to flirt and cheat now than in an electronic media-free environment? No! I would not do it! And neither do the people I know. At least no more than we would live, say, in the 18th century.

The indiscretions of public figures have fueled this critical comment on the use of electronic media for social purposes. Governor Mark Sanford is an obvious recent example. When a South Carolina newspaper published a series of emails between Sanford and his Argentine lover, some people found a scapegoat for adultery in technology. Perhaps a story from a friend of a friend who claims his cousin left his wife for a woman he met on MySpace can add to the uproar. This is great food for psychologists, journalists, and everyone who peddles social commentary. You have undoubtedly seen evidence of this talk on television, in magazines, and on popular websites. We’re being educated on topics like the dos and don’ts of texting flirting, how Facebook friends turn into sexual predators, and why instant messaging leads to more office business. Who is really buying these things?

Are we, as a culture, really so obsessed with policing our verbal interactions that we have reached this level of pettiness? Does this kind of attitude reflect how comfortable we feel with ourselves? Is it another example of self-awareness taken to the extreme? I think so. How often do we casually say something that we then reexamine? I know I do it a lot! Before computers existed, people said, “I put my foot in my mouth.” We have always been somewhat self-conscious in our communication with each other, but I don’t see any reason to amplify that trend just because online texts, emails, and posts are “print media.” I’ve heard people say, “Once it’s printed, you can’t remove it!” Oh really? So how do so many contracts end up in court? How are divorces possible? How do teens break up over text and get back together the next day on Facebook? Why is literature the object of interpretation and open discussion for centuries after its publication? It is true that in a legal sense a written contract carries more weight than a verbal one, but is a wink or a slap on the butt more casual than “xoxo” in a text message? I do not think so. That’s the real point I’m driving to. Spoken words and physical contact have much more influence on sexual behavior than written media. Why obsess over the dos and don’ts of electronic communication rather than our daily physical interactions?

If people with poor impulse control want to cheat, they will find a way to do it, with or without a Blackberry or Iphone. The period television series “Mad Men” is critically acclaimed for its accurate depiction of mid-20th century relationships between women and men and has won three Golden Globes and nine Emmys. The content of the show is possibly 50% extramarital affairs. I admire the realism of the writers in their depiction of marital distress and the human tendency to seek greener pastures. Most people are not proud of this kind of behavior, but hey, it goes back to the Bible! Remember David and Bathsheba?

I am afraid that the obsession and surveillance of the casual interaction between us, whether physical or electronic, probably leads to the traps that were intended to be avoided. After all, doesn’t temptation start in the mind? We experience temptation when we overthink a certain activity or person. Let’s keep neurosis to a minimum, okay? So you spent too much time talking to your co-worker of the opposite sex about his personal life over lunch. And that? Let him go and stop thinking about making out with him! Linking happens. Maybe you emailed your ex about a personal problem that you knew they would understand. Again, so what? Do we really need to live our lives in such a rigid way, fearing that at every step there is a carnal temptation? This type of attitude affects many people who suffer from religious dysfunctions. Ironically, they are the ones who always end up cheating! Does Ted Haggard sound familiar to you?

Just for fun, and in closing, take a look at this list of evangelical sex scandals: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_televangelist_scandals

Now, how much do you really want to reign in your Facebook activity? Want to spend more time examining your texting etiquette? Just try not to worry too much about it.