I have always found love to be a fascinating emotion, especially romantic love between a man and a woman as husband and wife. It is so compelling that some of the greatest minds over the millennia have spent countless hours writing plays, poetry, and novels about it. Since we are young we think about it, obsess over it and hope to find it and hold on to it. The search for love can lead to tragedy, as Shakespeare so beautifully describes in Romeo and Juliet. Misplaced love can lead to heartbreak. Unrequited love can destroy hearts and lives. But true love, lasting love brings unparalleled peace, happiness, contentment, and joy. It lifts the human soul to heights never before imagined and inspires us to greatness. Love is the most powerful force there is. It is what feeds the universe itself. This kind of love is uplifting love. The trick is learning to harness this kind of love and then putting in the effort to get it. That is the purpose of this article, my blog, and the articles that follow. To help others learn the “tricks” of uplifting love.

Let’s use a contrast with uplifting love that will help us better understand what it is. The foil is what is popularly known as “true love”. This popularized idea of ​​true love is something I don’t believe in. There is currently a television show on one of the major television networks that in every episode seems to mention true love at least half a dozen times. It is presented as a magical power that can conquer anything and is only shared between soul mates. It just happens, seemingly beyond one’s control, and it gets you. It also seems to lead those affected by it into serious trouble and heartache to achieve their purposes. To me, in many ways, this idea is terrifying, and true love seems like a malicious force at work in the world. To think that I could be so easily enslaved by a faceless master, not by another person but by a formless emotion, is very worrying to me. This show, of course, is not the only popular medium today that portrays this idea of ​​true love in this light. There are plenty of books and movies too.

Using this notion, let’s make a distinction between “true love” and “uplifting love.” Perhaps the only thing true love and uplifting love have in common is that they both lead to a “happily ever after,” but the similarities end there. While true love exists in fairy tales and is beyond one’s control, uplifting love exists in real life and is a gift from God. Uplifting love is something that can feel magical, and it is certainly very powerful, but it requires concerted effort and desire on the part of both parties and must be constantly nurtured. It is available to everyone. It does not enslave but empowers.

Uplifting love is about selflessness and focusing on our spouse. A dictionary definition of uplifting love might look like this definition of love I recently found; It read: “Deep devotion and affection. Love…includes devotion, adoration, reverence, tenderness, mercy, forgiveness, compassion, grace, service, gratitude, [and] nature.”[i] Now, isn’t that all-encompassing? I think that pretty much sums up the idea.

You may be wondering “I’m in love, but how do I know what kind of love it is?” Well, if it is an uplifting love, you will have the desire to be a better person and a better spouse. You will find that over time you think less and less of your own personal happiness and comfort and more and more of your spouse’s. If you take a step back and look at your life, you will see that it revolves around your spouse. The narrower the orbit, the greater the love. Ultimately, the goal and end result of uplifting love is to develop a perfect love for one another, a love that the Apostle Paul describes as charity. Let’s look at his checklist in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-8 (KJV):

“Charity suffers a lot and is kind; charity does not envy; charity does not boast of itself, is not puffed up, does not behave unseemly, does not seek its own, is not easily irritated, does not think of evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; supports everything, believes everything, expects everything, supports everything. Charity never fails:”

Pretty intense list of traits, huh? But using it is one way we can gauge how we’re cultivating uplifting love in our marriages. How close are we to being able to “think no evil” of each other? How often are we “provoked”? Are we still “looking for our own”? How often? None of us is perfect, but the closer we get to answering “no” to these questions, the more likely it is that our love is an uplifting love and is on its way to becoming a perfect love, which we may not reach until next time. life. Ultimately, do we feel closer to each other and to God? Are we being elevated or not? If the answer is yes, it is uplifting love. Otherwise, we must work harder and make sure that we are working in the prescribed way.

The ultimate measure of whether our love qualifies as uplifting love can be done by looking at its fruits. Jesus said “by their fruits you will know them” (Matthew 7:20, NIV). He, of course, was talking about prophets, but the principle applies here as well. By looking at our relationship with our spouse, we can measure our progress in developing uplifting love by determining the extent to which its fruits are present. The fruits of uplifting love are unity, joy and dignity.

Unit. Let’s start with a dictionary definition. Dictionary.com offers five definitions of unity: “1. the state of being one; unity. 2. A whole or totality as the combination of all its parts into one. 3. The state or fact of being united or combined into one, from parts of a whole; unification. 4. Absence of diversity; invariable or uniform character. 5. Unity of mind, feeling, etc., as among a number of persons; concord, harmony, or agreement.” I like definition five better. This definition aptly paints the picture of what we are trying to achieve and what will come naturally to our marriages as we work together to develop uplifting love. We will be one in mind and feeling in our approach to life, parenting, our relationship with God, etc. Contention and misunderstandings will diminish and be replaced by feelings of harmony and agreement. We will become one with our spouse. This is the first fruit by which we can measure our progress on the path to uplifting love. The second fruit is joy. “Men exist so that they may have joy.”[ii] This truth is fundamental to understanding and measuring uplifting love. The greater our love for each other, the greater our joy should be. As this joy increases, it will spill over from our marriage to all other aspects of our lives. We will discover that we are simply happier and more pleasant to be around. Our vision of the world will improve and our pessimism will be replaced by hope and joy. You will also discover that joy does not increase gradually as we develop uplifting love; increases exponentially.

The second fruit is joy. “Men exist so that they may have joy.”[iii] This truth is fundamental to understanding and measuring uplifting love. The greater our love for each other, the greater our joy should be. As this joy increases, it will spill over from our marriage to all other aspects of our lives. We will discover that we are simply happier and more pleasant to be around. Our vision of the world will improve and our pessimism will be replaced by hope and joy. You will also discover that joy does not increase gradually as we develop uplifting love; increases exponentially. Another way to look at it is that for every unit of effort we put into nurturing uplifting love, our joy increases by much more than one unit of joy. How much joy do you feel in your life? How much do you feel when you are around your spouse (or even when you only think about him or her)? Is growing? If so, you are succeeding in establishing uplifting love.

Lastly, dignity. This uplifting love fruit is perhaps the least noticeable on the surface, but it is just as significant and life-altering as unity and joy. Another term for dignity is self-respect or self-esteem. When we are in a marriage relationship where uplifting love is present, our self-respect grows naturally. It is a product or fruit of this kind of love. Our self-confidence increases, we are more confident in our own talents and abilities and we encourage our spouse to develop theirs, and we find that we are less afraid of failure and the opinions of others. This dignity is cultivated by the protected environment that creates a relationship in which uplifting love is present. The love that emanates from our spouse reinforces and elevates our self-image and strengthens our commitment to them and to ourselves. We are inspired to try harder to be the best we can be for our spouse. Your support and encouragement sustains us through failure and gives us the confidence we need to succeed in the end. Uplifting love introduces a dignity into our lives that is fuller and richer than can be found anywhere else. When we realize how important we are to our spouse, it lifts us up and pushes us toward our true potential.

Uplifting love is available to everyone; however, it must be earned. Because it is empowering and ennobling, I might add, we must work hard and we must work together with our spouse if we are to qualify for this gift. A mere wish is not enough. It must be established as a goal of the couple and by mutual agreement or it is simply unattainable. Ezra Benson explained:

“Marriage itself must be considered a sacred covenant before God. A married couple has an obligation not only to each other, but also to God. He has promised blessings to those who honor that covenant… Husbands and wives who love and loyalty are found to be reciprocal. This love will provide a nurturing atmosphere for the emotional growth of children…Moderation and self-control should be guiding principles in the marital relationship.”[iv]

Exercising restraint and self-discipline is not easy, but to achieve our goal of developing uplifting love in our marriage, we must persevere. Jesus taught: “But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will be one flesh; so they will no longer be further”. two, but one flesh.” (Mark 10:6-8, KJV) Becoming one flesh, or united in purpose through the exercise of self-control and moderation as Jesus taught, is our purpose in marriage. As we grow closer in marriage, we will also reap the fruits of our labor: uplifting love.

References

[i] Gordon B. Hinckley, “And the greatest of these is love.” Flag. March 1894.

[ii] “Love.” The Guide to the Scriptures. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

[iii] Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 2:25

[iv] Ezra Taft Benson, “Salvation: A Family Affair,” Liahona, Jul 1992, p. 2