In an overpopulated world, where billions of people are connected to each other through print and electronic media, it seems paradoxical that loneliness has become a rapidly growing disease in the 21st century. High-rise buildings, claustrophobic box-like apartments, stressful jobs, and impersonal city life do not foster friendship. Rather they create suspicion and fear of neighbors or strangers. Television or network addiction makes people reluctant to communicate with others, be it family or friends. They love vicariously living the life of movie stars or TV personalities and find no time for other relationships.
Loneliness is the lack of respect for people. Young or old, literate or illiterate, rich or poor, anyone can be affected by loneliness. David Jeremiah called it the “Disease of the Decade.” Many years ago Thoreau said: “A city is a place where hundreds of lonely people live together.”
What is loneliness?
It’s a feeling of isolation even in a crowd; a desolation that makes one feel unwanted and unloved; a despair that nobody cares about and therefore there is no reason to live. The feeling is heightened during birthdays, anniversaries or festivals. The sight of other people having fun increases the feeling of isolation.
All human beings at some stage of life have transitory episodes of loneliness. But these quickly disappear when the situation changes or the cause is removed.
Causes of loneliness:
• Society has become impersonal and gadget oriented. Things have a barcode and people are numbered. ID cards, bank cards and credit cards provide identity but do not encourage human interaction. Even a patient in the hospital is identified by a number instead of a name.
• A competitive world only allows the survival of the fittest. This makes people selfish, self-centered, secretive, and suspicious.
• Floating populations due to frequent transfers or rapid job changes leave no time for deep, lasting friendships. The loss of family, friends, or familiar scenes creates loneliness.
• Bereavement: the loss of a spouse, children, family or a friend causes an isolating grievance. The bereaved person feels hurt or abandoned. By isolating himself, he feels protected from further harm.
• Loss of a job. Self-pity surfaces because others are better placed in life compared to prestige or wealth.
• Illness. HIV/AIDS, cancer or other terminal illnesses make people feel isolated. They fear rejection or pity.
• Low self-esteem is often seen in housewives. They feel threatened by working women and their achievements. Most people don’t appreciate the work that goes into running a home. Young children further isolate mothers, leaving no time for social interaction.
• Guild. Many regret the mistakes they have made and are afraid to repeat them. Therefore, they avoid the company.
• Leadership positions often create loneliness. There are demands made on your time and energy. Making decisions is often a lonely business. There is always the fear of facing the consequences of wrong decisions. They become easy targets when things go wrong. “To be president of the United States is to feel alone in moments of making big decisions,” said Harry Truman. Writer Vicki Baum opined that “Fame always brings loneliness. Success is as cold and lonely as the North Pole.”
• Intellectual loneliness. Albert Einstein felt that his intellectual brilliance set him apart from others and made him feel alone. “It’s strange to be so universally known and yet so universally alone,” he said.
• Fear, especially among the elderly, of being attacked by thieves, rejected by family or forgotten by friends, makes them withdraw into themselves.
Consequences of loneliness:
– Physical: About 50% of heart patients report that they have been lonely and depressed for some time before their heart attacks. Scientists also say that certain types of cancer are aggravated by loneliness.
– Emotional: Depression and anxiety are greater in people who feel alone. Many are driven to suicide. Some indulge in overeating, alcohol, or drugs.
– Spiritual: A total alienation from God aggravates loneliness. As Augustine, Bishop of Hippo, said, “God created man for himself, and our hearts are restless until we find rest in him.”
Overcoming loneliness:
Loneliness is universal, but succumbing to it is cowardice. One must rise above it. Loneliness must be distinguished from loneliness. Creative people like writers, poets, and artists isolate themselves for long periods so they can work undisturbed. This isolation is self-imposed and has a purpose.
Religious men also seek solitude for their meditations, prayers, and communion with God. Solitude can be constructive and renewing. But loneliness is psychological and spiritual desolation.
Therefore, the most important step is
– Accept the fact that there is a problem. The initiative must come from the person who feels lonely.
– Decipher the causes of loneliness and work to eliminate them. Anger, animosity, hypocrisy, or hatred are emotions that must be overcome before you can build meaningful relationships.
– Keeping busy finding ways to help others or cultivating hobbies that distract focus from self and loneliness.
– Work on grievance situations and crisis experiences. Self-pity is a deadly poison. It robs one of perspective and purpose in life.
– Consider leadership a privilege and not a burden. Important people don’t need to hide in their ‘ivory towers’. Being accessible without being influenced by others is the mark of a true leader.
– Exercising or listening to music can also drive away the demons within.
– Older people should not feel isolated by age and physical illness. Old age is a time to search for a deeper meaning in life. There are communities that facilitate social relationships, friendships and the exchange of experiences. Creativity and spirituality can be rediscovered in old age.
– If loneliness borders on depression or suicidal tendencies, professional help should be sought.
– A walk closer to God on a daily basis dispels loneliness. As the psalmist said: “Because of your heart to God, because He is our refuge and strength.” Only when we have a right relationship with God can we effectively relate to others. Someone said: “To be left alone without God is hell. But to be left alone with God is a forest of heaven.”
