The term “sexual orientation” is used primarily to refer to being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT). This powerful concept, ‘sexual orientation’, bravely promoted by members of the LGBT community, has empowered people, over the last 50 years, to think of themselves not as bad or sick, but simply different.

Readers may remember that it wasn’t that long ago that homosexuality was considered a form of illness. Until 1973, homosexuality was listed in the American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a psychopathology: a form of mental illness. The underlying assumption here was that homosexuals had something wrong with them. While there are of course still people who think this, it’s not generally viewed this way anymore, at least in the US and UK.

Most people have heard of S&M, or SM (in case you’re one of the few who haven’t, it stands for Sadism and Masochism). Fewer people have heard of D/s (domination and submission), but the most comprehensive acronym commonly used by those involved in these activities is BDSM (the B is for bondage). If you google BDSM, you will find many porn websites, some community sites run by members of the BDSM community, sites of BDSM gear providers (fetish clothing, specialized shackles and restraints, whips, etc.).

However, for those looking for serious research on the prevalence and experience of people indulging in BDSM with consenting adults, there isn’t much out there. And yet, these practices seem to be quietly creeping into our consciousness, with a growing stream of articles and documentaries that, while not serious academic work, are not purely pornographic either. The internet, television and major magazines are providing outlets for people who are perfectly nice and ‘ordinary’ (whatever that means) to reveal that they enjoy BDSM activities. In these articles and TV shows, the participants generally don’t seem to feel that there is anything wrong with them, or that they have anything to apologize for their sexual practices. Having said that, most BDSM users feel insecure about how they might be judged for their activities, for example by employers, friends, health professionals and family members. In effect, then, it seems that many BDSM practitioners do not consider themselves sick, but rather have a different sexual orientation.

If we think of BDSM as a sexual orientation, what are the implications of this? The following is a rough list.

• BDSM is not proof of some kind of emotional damage (for example, trauma or abusive parenting)
• People cannot be counseled or otherwise ‘treated’ out of BDSM
• People should not be discriminated against for being in BDSM
• People are not somehow “sick” if they like BDSM.
• People are not “bad” in some way if they like BDSM.

Those who see BDSM as a form of illness can still find support in the DSM, where activities that involve, for example, ‘suffering or humiliating oneself or a partner’ are classified as paraphilia: a form of disorder. mental. But this is a gray area because there is systematic ambiguity about whether what is meant here is ‘suffering’ or ‘humiliation’ within a mutually consensual role-playing situation. BDSM players who are on our television screens, or Internet sites, or running businesses around BDSM are talking about exactly this mutually consensual game, as opposed to actual, non-consensual torture or humiliation.

For therapists who may encounter clients presenting with BDSM-related issues, I encourage you to consider the points above and see if any of these statements conflict with attitudes you may have had about BDSM. I invite you to entertain the idea of ​​BDSM as a sexual orientation.