Love is not a feeling. That? You exclaim, of course, that love is a feeling. I feel it in my chest, stomach, and my body tingles at times. Yes, those are the physiological manifestations when one has the feeling of ‘falling in love’.
Falling in love and loving are two different phenomena. Falling in love can be a flash of emotions or a first step towards genuine love. “Love is misinterpreted as an emotion; it is a state of consciousness, a way of being in the world, a way of seeing oneself and others.” -David R. Hawkins
Falling in love is a strong instinctual attraction for a person. If it is mutual and both people work on their relationship; One day, that euphoric experience called “falling in love” can turn into genuine love.
The phenomenon of falling in love is the call of the longing for belonging, for cathectism, but the object is instinctively chosen according to our ideals, dreams, etc., even if one does not realize it. Normally we fall in love with the appearance of the person, the way they walk, the way they speak. Sometimes we attribute to our love object some mystical illusion, ideal qualities and the more we know the person the less we fall in love with him. That’s when the feeling of love disappears even faster than it seemed.
The more two people know each other, the more comfortable they feel; the less sharp, bright and exciting the experience of falling in love is. Some couples continue their relationships and marry; some fall apart. It’s reasonable to say that more clothes in the closet and one more toothbrush in the bathroom is the end of the infatuation phase, but it can also be the beginning of genuine love.
The euphoric feelings that we call “love” are the emotion that accompanies the catechetical experience. Catechesis is the process by which an object becomes important to a person. Once invested, the object, often referred to as a “love object,” is invested with our energy as if it were part of oneself, and this relationship between oneself and the invested object is called an investment. One’s investiture can be fleeting and momentary. Genuine love implies commitment and exercise of wisdom. When you are concerned about someone’s spiritual and emotional growth, you know that a lack of commitment is likely to be detrimental and that commitment to that person is probably necessary for one to effectively express concern. Concern and commitment to the spiritual and emotional growth of another person is the purest form of love. It is for this reason that commitment is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship: friends, loved ones, husband / wife.
Genuine love transcends the endowment issue. When love exists, it does so with or without an endowment and with or without a loving feeling – those bursts of butterflies in the stomach, body tingling, etc.
It’s easier – in fact, it’s exhilarating – to love with endowment and the euphoric feeling of love. However, it is possible to love without endowment and without loving feelings, and it is in the realization of this possibility that genuine and transcendent love is distinguished from simple endowment. Genuine love is more volitional than emotional euphoric. The person who truly loves does so out of ‘a decision to love’. This person has made a commitment to ‘be loving’, whether or not the feelings of love are present.
It can be difficult and painful to look for evidence of love in one’s actions, but since true love is an act of will that transcends fleeting feelings of love or endowment, it can be said, “Love is like love.” Love and non-love, as good and as evil, are objective phenomena and not purely subjective.
