Some family and friendship interactions can be difficult and seemingly impossible to navigate. Jealousy, envy, pride, political beliefs, and personality differences can seem insurmountable. Unfortunately, hatred and resentment often blind us and make it impossible to reason or think clearly.
I am in a place in life where I refuse to participate in family and friendship disagreements and disputes. My way of dealing with disagreements is this: I refuse to argue. I don’t care what “she said” or “what he did” or “you did” or “he didn’t do” or even, “you forgot my birthday” or “you supported Trump or Biden.” In the end, none of that matters.
When a friendship or family conversation turns unpleasant, I physically withdraw from the situation with the explicit statement that “I love you all, but I am leaving,” and I do just that: I am leaving. As much as I am dying to say something in rebuttal to a sarcastic comment. my “wisdom” does not need to be said or heard. Hard to do? Sure, but so what? Life is short.
In my family and in many other families of my generation, “I love you” was an unspoken alien phrase. I’ve never heard it from my mother or father, and I bet if you’re close to my age, you didn’t hear it from your parents either. But, enough food showed love, as well as enough clothes to wear even though they were inherited from an older brother or neighbor. It was the “Great Depression”; We were poor, but I didn’t know it.
The power of “I love you” came to me as a revelation when my mother was in the hospital. She was in New Jersey and I lived in California, so I wasn’t likely to visit her. I called the hospital to speak to her, and at the end of our tense conversation, for the first time, I said, “I love you,” and she answered without hesitation, “I love you too.” He died several days later. Was he happy that he told her that he loved her? You gamble. It made me a better person at that time.
Since the day I last spoke to my mother, I have tried to tell my loved ones and friends that I love them even when I disagree or dislike them. I have also chosen to forgive and say “thank you” and let go of grudges: they make you look mean. Even if you don’t feel it, saying “I love you” closes the negativity and will make you a happier person.
Today, do something serious for someone you love. Send or bring them a bouquet of flowers, or simply send or gift a greeting card, your own creation or “store bought” that says “I love you.”
Years ago there was a song, “Little things mean a lot”, it sure does. Is powerfull. What we give is returned to us, not always in kind, but in more wonderful ways than we can imagine. Try it, you (and they) will like it.
